HA ! HA !

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How To be Happy Keep your heart free from hatred, ypur mind free from worry; live simply; expect little; give much; sing often; pray always; fill your life with love; think of others and do as would be done by.
Now some jokes Cricket vs Examination Run Out : Failing in the examination due to lack of time and attention Bouncer : The most difficult question Byes : Grace marks gained Maiden Over : Inability to answer any 6 questions in a serial order Retired hurt : Fainting in the Examination Hall on seeing the Question paper NightWatchman : Papa keeping watch over son reading for exam at midnight Sixer : Son's 'mark memo' flung out by papa No ball : Questions that came from a topic not in the syllabus LBW : Failing in the examination because the student sitting in front of you did not show his paper to you. MY AMBITIONS WHEN I WAS A KID AND THE PROBLEMS I FACED I wanted to be an Engineer ; but maths was too much for me I wanted to become a scientist ; but the reactions exploded on me I wanted to be a chauffeur ; but the noises drove me crazy I wanted to be a Traffic Policeman ; but the traffic ran over me I wanted to be a pilot but the sky was too high for me to reach I wanted to be a doctor ; but the degrees made me ill I wanted to be an astronaut ; but I was afraid of losing my gravity I wanted to be a minister ; but I was not a liar I wanted to be a teacher ; but I was kind enough I wanted to be a Principal ; but I was too young for the job But Alas ! all these professions are unfit for me ; so I decided to become a STUDENT SOME DEFINITIONS College : A place where some pursue learning and some learn pursuing. Library : The graveyard of greatest minds, where students, fear to tread Father : A banker provided by nature Boss : The man who is early when you are late and late when you are early Smile : A short curve that can set a lot of things straight Marriage: An institution in which a boy loses his bachelor's degree and the girl gets her masters Prices : Perhaps the only thing which violates the Law of Gravitation Duty : What one expects from another
Some usual ones Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Ladeen and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama Bin Ladeen was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afganistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall round Afganistan. "Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - virtually impenetrable. "Uncle Sam" says, "Fill it with water." During the world war II,Germany and Russia were on war. four people - An old lady, a beautiful girl, a German officer and a Rumanian Officer were going in a train in the same compartment. The train went into a tunnel and the lights went out.A kiss was heard was heard and then a smash. After the train emerged from the tunnel the German officer had a black eye. The old lady thought that the German was so bad that he tried to kiss the beautiful girl and then he got a smash from her. The girl thought that the German officer was so bad that he tried to kiss the old lady and he got slapped. The German thought that The Rumanian soldier got to kiss the girl and he got the smash. The Rumanian was happy because he kissed his own hand and hit the German. BinLadan and Sharukh were talking to each other. BinLaden asked Sharukh that how was he. Sharukh replied " Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam " Sharukh asked LAden that how was he and he got a reply " Kabhi Goli Kabhi Bum " A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human being; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I go to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him". A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who as working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?" A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet? " A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty." The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples". A school boy went home with stomach pain. "well, sit down and drink your tea," said MOm. " your stomach is aching because it is empty. It will be Ok when you have had something in it." Shortly after wards, DAD came home from office with a head ache. "That is because it is empty", said the son. "It would be Ok, if you had something in it"
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